bouder

Some French streets are so small that you wonder how deliveries are made to these tiny shops.


bouder
(boo-day)
verb
to pout or sulk

I notice my husband is shaving this morning, something he rarely does anymore, now that he’s working from home as a wine sales rep.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"En tournée."

"Prospecting? Where?" I wonder.

"In Saint-Raphaël."

Saint-Raphaël? My mind fills with visions of the foamy sea, sandy beaches, sidewalk cafés and brasseries, the boardwalk, the boutiques, the marché, and the glamorous Belle Époque architecture.... Suddenly a pulsion comes over me. The pulsion to pout.

"I didn't know you were going out today...." I grumble.
  
"Well, do you want to come with me?" Jean-Marc offers.

"You know I can't come with you. I have work to do!” With a huff and a puff I leave the room.

***

In 1994 the only conseil Jean-Marc's ailing grandmother gave me before I married her grandson was this: "ne boude pas." Don’t boude when love gets tough! “C’est terrible—insupportable!—une femme ou un mari qui boude!”

I hurried to look up the word bouder just as soon as I returned from Grand-mère’s modest apartment in Lyon to Jean-Marc’s studio in Marseilles. I was hesitant to ask my husband-to-be what the word meant. What was it that was so terrible, so insufferable… something a husband or wife should never ever do? And why had Jean-Marc’s grandmother selected this bit of counsel above the rest?

"Germaine," as Jean-Marc’s mamie was called, was a stern woman who saw the collapse of a family fortune. In Morocco, after the war, she peddled house linens from her Estafette (a converted military supply vehicle) as there were six mouths to feed. When her husband, a prisoner of war, returned from la guerre, Germaine continued to "wear the pants," selling her linens porte-à-porte, while her husband went seaside to cast out horrific battle images along with his fishing line.

My first encounter with Germaine had me watching the once-authoritarian-now-frail woman eat the eyes right out of the fish on her plate! No sooner had I recovered from the fact that the French serve their seafood with its heads and tails intact, than I witnessed this unforgettable eye-popping scene!

Apart from Germaine’s advice not to sulk, she taught me where all those forks, knives, and cuillères belong on the French table, at once thoughtful about her bourgeois upbringing, and méprisante of it.

***

The French word bouder, it turns out, means “to pout”. From bouder comes the noun boudoir, which originally meant "a place in which to sulk". Though the dictionary says that a boudoir is "un petit salon de dame," it is really nothing more fancy or exciting than a pouting room.

I return to my sulking place, and continue to work and to sniff. Je boude, je boude!

"We'll leave in 10 minutes?" my husband suggests, popping his head in from the hall.

"I didn't say I was going with you!" I snap.

"Well, if you change your mind, I am leaving in 10 minutes."

I continue to faire la tête, or "be in the sulks," while my husband prepares for his surely glamorous tournée along the French Riviera. At my desk, I peck at the faded keyboard, staring into the dismal screen. I can’t concentrate on writing a story when I’m so busy obsessing about my husband’s freedom:

"Monsieur Espinasse goes to the sunny Riviera," I grumble. "Monsieur Espinasse would like the plat du jour. Would Monsieur fancy a glass of champagne with his foie gras?"

Despite my ridiculous imaginings and the cynical commentary that accompanies them, I know that reality is quite different. My husband’s door-to-door sales day will be spent lugging 18-kilo boxes of wine from one cave to another, navigating medieval roads, trying to find parking in a small French village full of one-way streets!

The glamorous day will continue as he stops for lunch at a grimy roadside gas station where he’ll pick up one of those preservative-rich sandwiches: un jambon beurre or un pan-bagnat. He’ll wash that down with a cup of bitter coffee before rushing to the next appointment. Finally he will weave in and out of traffic on the autoroute, struggling to get back to our village in time to pick up our son from basketball at the end of the day.

Meantime I will be working freely at my computer, trying to write the next great American story (or so my imagination would like to think!). To my left, there’ll be a café au lait, before me, the adventure of my choice, if I will but find the words to transport me there. Will I ever find the words? Oh, to be transported!

"Do you know what the word boudoir means?" I am out of breath, catching up to my husband, who is loading cases of wine into the trunk.

"Comment?" What's that? he asks.

"Boudoir. It's French," I reply.

"No. I don't know that word. What does it mean?" Jean-Marc asks, opening the car door for me.

“A sulking place,” I laugh. “It’s a place to bouder, or to be in the sulks.”

"Are you in the sulks?" Jean-Marc teases.

“Oh no, not me!” I glance out of the car window, to the heavens above. I hoped Germaine was watching. God rest her courageous, peddler’s soul.

I look over to the other peddler, seated beside me. Germaine would be proud of her grandson, who has, in his own way, followed in her steps.  

 

Your Edits Here. Thanks for pointing out any typos or grammar or vocabulary section problems. Suggestions always welcome! Click here to comment.

 

French Vocabulary

une tournée
a sales round (sales prospecting) 

le marché
market 

une pulsion
an impulse

un conseil
a piece of advice

ne boude pas!
don't sulk!

C’est terrible—insupportable!—une femme ou un mari qui boude!
It's awful—intolerable—when a wife or a husband sulks!

la grand-mère
grandmother

la mamie
grandma 

la guerre
war

porte-à-porte
door-to-door 

une cuillère
spoon

méprisant(e)
contemptuous, scornful

un petit salon de dame
a woman's sitting room

faire la tête
to sulk, to give somebody the silent treatment

le plat du jour
the day's special (in a restaurant)

un kilo
a kilo, or 2.2 pounds

une cave = cellar

un jambon-beurre
a ham sandwich with butter

un pan-bagnat
a sandwich made with tuna and olives (specialty from Nice)

une autoroute
motorway, highway

le café au lait
coffee with milk

 

Comments

[Leslie]

No edits; a really nice story, and well-written to boot (to boude?)!

[Marie-Louise]

I suggest changing "or" to "nor" in "nothing more fancy nor exciting"...(neither, nor; either, or)
I love this story!

[Karen Whitcome (Towson, Md)]

I really enjoyed this story, Kristin. I'd love to hear about Germaine's life too. Is there a book there?

One tiny part stopped me in my "flow of reading" tracks. When I read, if anything trips me up I feel compelled to stop reading and ponder. Some call that "active reading" but other times I just want to read the story as the author intended instead of drifting onto another path of thought. Anyway, it was the, presumably unintended, generalization that "the French serve their food with heads and tails intact". I know they do but for some reason I envisioned ordering a beef filet and getting the entire cow, or veal and getting..... oh mercy - do you see what I mean? It's probably just me and my attention deficit.

[Kathy]

Wonderful image: "Her husband went seaside to cast out horrific battle images along with his fishing line." On our recent trip, we met a cousin of mine in Lorraine whose husband had been conscripted to fight in the German army at the Russian front during WWII. He was one of the very few who came home alive, a changed man forever.

So which did you chose: un (tres salty) jambon beurre ou un pan-bagnat?

[Meghan]

Absolutely LOVE this one... the imagery is fantastic and it completely left me wanting more!

[Donna Grieder]

I will never forget the word bouder now because of the connection to boudoir. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? I wish a wise 'mamie' had given me that advice more than 30 years go! I do have a daughter and some future daughters-in-law to share it with.

[Bill in St. Paul]

Great story. The only change I saw was the one Marie-Louise mentioned.

When we were in Vaison la Romaine last year the "streets" in the old/upper town were VERY narrow and I, too, wondered how trucks got through, until I noticed that most of the exhaust vents sticking out from the side of buildings were either crushed or knocked to one side. The trucks get through but not always without "widening" the "street".

[Rebecca Q.T.-- usually in Baltimore but currently in Madrid! Olé!]

Dear Kristin,

This story is a jewel. I can tell you really took the time to develop it and to think it through. The way you laced together two completely separate stories and united them nicely at the end is masterful. This is one of your best.

I do have a few suggestions for minor problems.

1) In this sentence: "And why had Jean-Marc’s grandmother selected this bit of counsel, above the rest?" ... wouldn't it be better to ditch the comma? 'Above the rest' needs no separation from 'this bit of counsel.' It makes it choppy.

2) "No sooner had I recovered from the fact that the French serve their food with its heads and tails intact, than I witnessed this unforgettable eye-popping scene!" This sentence seems a bit awkward to me. I don't think you're supposed to separate the 'than' from 'No sooner'. So you can fix it one of two ways: A) "No sooner than I had recovered from the fact that the French serve their food with its heads and tails intact, I witnessed this unforgettable eye-popping scene!" OR B) "I had just recovered from [or better "come to terms with"] the fact...intact, when I witnessed this...scene!"

3) Last suggestion for this sentence, the end of which I find awkward: "Apart from Germaine’s advice not to sulk, she taught me where all those forks, knives, and cuillères belong on the French table, at once thoughtful about her bourgeois upbringing, and méprisante of it." Would it not be less confusing and more concise to say "at once thoughtful and yet méprisante of her bourgeois upbringing."

Anyway, hope the comments are helpful, glad to be getting stories to edit again!

Rebecca

[KELLY LEAF]

I love it, as I love all your writings; they transport me instantly and vicariously to "la belle France" for tiny visits every week. Merci beaucoup et continuez!

[Marilynn Gottlieb]

Very nicely written and enjoyable story. I have a few suggestions.
You have the three asterisks before the Germaine story - I think you should also have them after the story to show we are back in the present.
Maybe I'm the only one who mis-visualized, but I didn't realize you had gotten in the car to go along. "opening the car door for me" should be obvious, but I guess I imagined it was so you could help load. Maybe add hopping into the car??
So why would Jean-Marc not know the word boudoir? Is it one of those words that, although from the French, it was adapted in noun form by the English to mean "bedroom"?
Perfect story for your book, I can now remember the word bouder, and there was a lovely story about generations and marriage.

[Faye Stampe, Gleneden Beach, OR]

Bonjour Kristin,

J'adore this story. I want to know more about Germaine --- she sounds very interesting and brave. Great sage advice about life & marriage! I love your stories --- keep on writing especially about the "older" stuff!

Stay well!

[Peggy]

Another lovely story. I especially appreciated this as a reminder not to "bouder," since I have done this all too often! You're so wise to take Germaine's advice!

Some very minor edits, which, of course, are your choice to take or leave:

1) The comma after the closing quotation mark in '"bouder",' should be enclosed in the quotation marks rather than outside them. As an alternative, you could just put "bouder" in italics as you have the other French words and leave out the quotation marks. That might be more consistent.
2) Same movement (to inside the quotation marks) for the period after ' "to pout".'
3) Same for '"a place in which to sulk".'
4) In referring to "10 minutes," you might want to make both instances the same (either "10" or "ten").
5) This is really too picky, but you could delete the quotation marks in "faire la tête," also, since you've italicized the phrase.

Regarding several other edits, I think the "heads/tails" wording is fine as you wrote it. I also prefer your sentence starting with "No sooner had I..." than either of the proposed rewritten versions. In fact, I think the suggested version A is awkward (no offense intended, Rebecca!). I also prefer your original version of "at once thoughtful about her bourgeois upbringing, and méprisante of it."

Thanks again for the lovely essay/lesson!

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you all very much for these edits. I am glad I have taken the time to incorporate them, as the follow up comments have been so helpful! Ill have another look at the corrections and suggestions and make changes little by little. Wishing every one a relaxing weekend! (Max is having a huge party Saturday night... so it may not be so quiet around here!)

[Natalia]

Hi dear Kristin,
This story is absolutely wonderful!
Not only have you touched the hearts of (us once upon-a-time)newlyweds (many of whom by now are the grand meres),but you transported us back to the hardships dear Germaine endured to feed her family--make us so very grateful for her advice,and all the blessings we now have in our lives.
WONDERFUL and perfect as is. THANK YOU!!!
Love, Natalia XO

[Diane Young]

Great story - wouldn't change a thing. The advice from Grandmere is spot on!

[Christine Dashper]

I love this story Kristin. No edits here. :)

[Jan in Monument, Colorado]

I love the story and the writing! How about "the French serve their seafood" instead of "the French serve their food" so one doesn't experience the visual mentioned by Karen! I'll try to keep the "ne boude pas" advice in mind and pass it along freely.

[EL]

more fancy => fancier; fancier and more exciting
"not me" => not I (if you want to be rigorous ;-)

What a good story! Loved the connection between the two peddlers at the end.

[Judi Boeye Miller, Lake Balboa, CA]

Another great story! Sometimes I wonder if you're telling my life story or yours - so many of your 'vignettes' could be mine as well! When I'm hurt or angry, a 'bouder' seems to grasp a hold of me, je fais la tete, but then when I realize it and decide to not sulk any longer, I really feel my heart open up and I'm so much happier! (and so is my husband! :-) Fortunately, my 'sulky' self is more a thing of the past, but I can still very much remember and relate to your story.

Is there a noun for 'bouder' other than boudoir?

I know you identified 'faire la tete' as 'be in the sulks' within your story, so maybe you don't need to put in your vocab list?? - but, it's new to me - and seems like a great phrase to learn!

Hope Max' party is a great success - and you survive!!

[Susan Carter in Westminster, CA (for Kip)]

Really love this story and have only one small edit. In the 4th paragraph, after Estafette & the parenthetical part, I would add "as there were 6 mouths to feed" instead of making the short sentence with only that information.

[Kristin Espinasse]

Jan, thanks for *seafood*--this solves the problem!

Judi, good idea. Ive added the expression to the list

Susan, that sentence bothered me, too. Your suggested really smoothed it out. Thanks!

And thank you to each of you for your comments and suggestions. It is all so helpful! 

[Amanda Frost]

Here's a list of tiny corrections:
-After "...Belle Epoque architecture" use only 3 dots for a suspended thought.
-After "...going out today..." add a comma (...,)
-Capitalize the N in "Ne boude pas."
-Close up the space after dots between "insufferable... something"
-No comma after "upbringing"
-Put close quotation marks outside a period: "to pout." "to sulk."
-Delete comma after "place" in "I return to my sulking place and continue..."
-Let "Comment" stand alone; i.e., delete "What's that" (which by the way is missing quotation marks.

Hope these are helpful. AMANDA

[Cynthia Lewis in Salisbury, Eastern Shore of Maryland]

Are there women like Germaine today? I think not. Maybe Jean-Marc or other family members have recollections/stories about her which you could weave into another of your stories. Wonderful, wonderful "story telling"! I especially liked your reaction to the devouring of the fish's eyes. Come to think of it, what seafood other than a fish would have eyes large enough to eat? "Talk" like this could take your appetite. Mille mercis, Cynthia

[Millie]

Non, je n'ai pas boudé pendant des semaines. J'étais en voyage et j'ai loupé tant d'épisodes.
Lovely story, comme toujours, chère Kristin. I just keep reading and reading, jusqu'à la fin. Germaine made me think of my Chinese sister-in-law who would scoop out the fish's eyes and s'en délecter. She says that's the best part!!!
Boudoir has nothing to do with bouder, c'est un petit salon for elegant women in the old days. And in answer to Judi Boeye Miller, Lake Balboa, CA, noun for le verbe bouder is "bouderie", nom féminin.

[Millie]

Chėre Kristin: Je te souhaite du bonheur, non seulement pour ce beau jour, mais pour tous ceux à venir.
Bonne fête des Mėres!

[Annel]

I`m a bit late reading this blog but it is sooo SWEET! Thanks so much for sharing it!
Annel <3