basal cell carcinoma: post-op photo

Around a year ago, my son commented that I had a pimple on my forehead. It was true, there was a blemish there that would not go away....

It took a year or so (two years?) before I made an appointment to see a dermatologist, who didn't need a microscope to diagnose the "spot", or lesion:  a basal cell carcinoma. 

I hurried home from the dermatologist, to begin googling the diagnosis. Dumb, dumb, dumb, for the images we're horrifying to me.

Meantime, I went in for surgery...

 

 
You can just spot the growth in the upper center, about an inch from my hairline.  (To read all of the posts I've written on skin cancer, click here) The photo, below, was taken 8 hours after surgery. Two days later, factoring in the swelling, things looked much worse. (I hear things will look much better soon!)

 

 

 

I realize that the surgery looks "highly invasive"! But when we got the lab reports back, I learned just how spread out the cancer was. I even asked the doctor if he was sure to have gotten it all out. Note: Here in France, Mohs surgery (in which little bits of skin are removed, then tested--so as to avoid invasive surgery) is not easily available. The alternative is to take out a greater amount of skin.

 

 

This photo was taken last week (end of November, 2011), ten weeks after surgery. I trust the scar will continue to fade. It is a bit raised, in the center. I continue to massage the tissue, in order to break down the build-up. I am also using a silicon patch (or should be... just where did I put that...)

(Update: While my forehead was healing, I found out that the "spot" on the side of my nose needed to come off. Why had I let it sit there for nearly 4 years?!  It turned out to be another basal cell carcinoma (photo of the nose stitches, here). A third spot, on the tip of my nose, was biopsied a year after that, in 2013. Good news this time... it was only a papul.)

***

Continued from Nov 2011: This post need updating. In a nutshell the past 10 weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster. To take my mind off of the slow healing surgical wound, I concentrated on a 21-Day book publishing challenge. While this helped a lot, my mind went right back to my face (where I began to focus on another "spot". This time on the side of my nose... see the note above). Will update on that in a future edition. Thanks for your caring notes!

Here is a letter I received from Mom, who is determined to "read into" the "H" mark on my forehead (please excuse the ALL CAPS - but you know how Moms can turn emotion into enthusiasm:!)

Mom writes:

WE ARE ATTACHED FOREVER BY THE DOUBLE CROSS - WHICH REPRESENTS OUR RELATIONSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER AS WE HOLD HANDS AND FORM THIS LETTER... WHICH STANDS FOR OUR HOLINESS. 

I can feel your HOLINESS RUN THROUGH MY FINGERTIPS AS WE FORM THE LETTER 'H'  WITH OUR BODIES STANDING FIRM AGAINST EACH WIND THAT BLOWS AGAINST OUR LIFE.

WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE THE SIGN WHICH GOD HAS ALLOWED TO COVER YOUR FOREHEAD YOU WILL KNOW THAT

'H' stands for HOLY and that you are holy in the eyes of GOD (and your MOM).

"H' stands for HEAVEN which is the promise you carry to all from Jesus

'H' represents the state of HEALTH you have received  --- because your ears HEAR all that GOD whispers throughout every cell of your body.

WHen you look in the mirror you will see that your are not only cool, but you are now 'HIP'. 

Yes - you will automatically smile because you will know deep within your HEART you have a HALARIOUS sense of HUMOR. 

What can you say but

HALLELUJAH  as you notice GOD'S HAND reaching down for your HAND.


This is my gift to you on this special day - September 23, 2011 - God gave me the greatest birthday present today because he has

HEALED your HEAD and HEART and joined our HOLY HANDS together forever.

Don' worry - be HAPPY!!

Everyday when you look in  the mirror remember God has given all of these wonderful words especially for you and that

He has built a HEDGE around you forever to protect you.


XOXO

MOM

p.S.  don't forget that your #1 HELPER the HOLY SPIRIT is with you always to guide you, teach you, and comfort you in all things.
I think we should turn this note into a song and HUM it's notes forever to each other.  XOXO

 

Comments

[Heather]

Feel better soon! I'm glad you got this taken care of early!

[Stacy, Applegate, Oregon]

Dear Kristi,

You and your mom astound me with your divine beauty, grace and courage. I am so moved by your photo and Jules’ letter, which is absolutely profound. Thank you for sharing and opening yourself up to the love and healing of your devoted FWAD family. You are definitely stronger than you think.

I second and loved Jimm’s comment “you are incapable of being anything but beautiful”! Period.

With Love and Gratitude,
Stacy

[ellen aragon]

Congratulations on your courage and warning to others. I think you will get an extra benefit from this surgery in that it seems it will give you an automatic brow lift (not that you needed it yet, but it will prevent you from needing one for another decade!). And remember, a scar gives you more personality: look at Harry Potter!
warm wishes for speedy recovery,
Ellen

[Dawne Polis]

I'm absolutely bawling here. I always read your blog , and am always too shy to say what I would like to say, but I just have to tell you how much I love YOU and your MOM, and how her letter touched my heart, and how much I pray for you to Heal in a Hurry, Honey. Jules is already my new best friend, she just doesn't know it yet. But we'll work all that out in Heaven. In the meantime, God is with you. You are beautiful and covered with love.
Bisous,
dawne
P.S. My friend and I both had that operation on our noses. Can't even tell now.

[Mary-Gettysburg, PA]

Beautiful encouragement from your mother. So many of us appreciate your courage to tell about your experience with skin cancer. Hopefully it will make us all pay more attention to the amount of sunshine we get while searching for our daily Vitamin D!

As you will discover, scars fade. May courage and good humor continue!

[Mim]

To add one more wish in the long list here, for a speedy and complete, scarless, recovery. You are very dear to all of us.

[Gabriela]

I hope that everything works out well and your recover completely. I love getting your email with the word of the day. I find you inspirational and beautiful for what you do. Take care, Gaby

[Poppi Tims]

Go well and thankyou so much for sharing your photo and your Mum's letter, both very powerful.....
To be open about these things helps others and as you can see the love and support from everyone for you is enormous, just like your writing and stories keeps us going and smiling when the road gets rough.
You look as gorgeous as ever. ☻
Prends soin de toi,
Poppi xx

[Dawn]

What a wonderful thing for your mother to say! I'm speechless, that was so great. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

[Sandy]

Kristi, looks like I'm the last to wish you a speedy recovery. I was out of the loop during our vacation and didn't look at my laptop even once in 2 weeks! Having had my own (nearly) 3 hr surgery yesterday to correct a deviated septum, among other things, I'm also on the road to recovery. Let the family look after you. You deserve some down time. Feel better soon!

[judith dunn]

Kristin, I shed a few tears while reading Jule's note to you.... she is such a loving mother and adores you so much. I am a breast cancer suvivor and can relate to her prayers for you. I have just come back from 3 weeks in glorious Bourgogne.... a bit jet lagged, but the trip filled the well of my soul with beauty and happiness... I wish you a speedy recovery, and you wil always be a beautiful lady inside and out, as many of your loyal fans have said. 'happy, holy head'.... some more H things!!! bisous, Judi Dunn, major Francophile from Tallahassee, fl.

[Joyce, Carver, MA]

Kristen, although it has all been said before me, I want you to know that I am thinking of you and appreciating your honesty and courage. Your writing has made me smile many times and I'm sure that your good humor will pull you through this difficult time..........that and your Mum's great words! Hang in there and all will be well in time!

[Ahulani]

Dear Kristin. (First... as part of your recovery please erase me from any thoughts of responding this time! I love you and receive all you would want to send...(•̃͡-̮•̃͡)

Welcome home and thank you for this amazing journey you have taken us on so honestly and openly. There is nothing I can add to the heartfelt wishes that are here in this "corner", but my love and good wishes abound. To take care of oneself... a life, heart and soul-saving message. As one who tends to deny things and sweep them under a "spiritual" rug sometimes, I am keeping your example close to my heart.
Thank you and much love for what is by now already a profound healing.
Ahulani

[Kim]

You have been such a blessing to share all that you are experiencing with this diagnosis and surgery. No one thinks it will happen to them. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. Godspeed and keep your postivie outlook...

[Paula Behnken]

Kristin--Best wishes for continued healing. The best thing you can say is the cancer is gone, and now you can move on with your life. I had a melanoma removed from my leg 16 years ago, with an equally mean-looking incision/scar, but it's almost invisible now. Better yet, HERE I AM, still cancer-free! Welcome to the sisterhood of survivors. You're a brave woman and braver still for sharing your story, which undoubtedly has helped many readers take their own bumps and spots more seriously. Lots of love and good wishes coming your way.

[Sue young]

H is for hooray for you! I am so fond of you and your blog,even though we have never met. I am sending you positive healing thoughts from Illinois.( although my heart lives in France)

[Candace Gudmundson]

Kristin, your mother is amazing. You are very lucky. Interesting scar, but the good news is it will fade well with care, and you will eventually give it little thought. I had Basal Cell 14 years ago on my cheek and they cut a big chunk out. I had to have it repaired in a second surgery, but look at me now and you'd have to look close to find their work. Glad you got it taken care of. All will be well. Hugs, Candace

[Nicalaine]

I just returned to your site after a long absence & saw your post. Prières et étreintes.
I am a melanoma & squamous cell carcinoma survivor so I understand tout!

[Lisa]

Hi Kristin,
I have been wondering how that scar is fading. Although there were more important factors involved than vanity, I still felt for you after seeing how large the scar was in the first photo. It looks so much better now! I'm sure you will hardly be able to see it in another year. You have sent out an important message about skin cancer we need to hear. All the best with your recovery. Lisa x

[Betty Gleason]

Mom's know best! H is for HAT to wear out in the sun.
From another Mom

[hedda]

OH Kristin,
The cross looks amazing!! And you look relaxed and refreshed ten weeks later and with a new book under your belt - that was fun. Seriously, the scar looks beautiful and so do you.

[Dawne Polis]

Kristen, dear, I just revisited that letter from your mom, and called my husband in to read it with me, and to look at your most recent photo. Not only was he touched by the letter, as we all were, but his first remark when he saw you was "wow, what a beautiful woman!" He didn't even see the scar! We both think you are terribly brave, and that you have been blessed to be able to carry an important, and possibly life-saving, message to all of us.
Love to you, and prayers for your continued healing!

[Nancy L.]

Your wound seems to be healing quite well! If you haven't already learned from one of your readers, vitamin E oil also works quite well for fading scars ( we just buy the pills and snap them open to get the oil and dab it on) Although, I must say that the silicone seems to be doing the trick also (for those of us who are 'stingy' (lol) Vitamin E est moins cher).
Speaking of "oursins dans la poche', reminds me of a saying that Ralph used to use about my Dad's spending habits: "When he opens his wallet the moths fly out!" Oooh la la. He meant it in a "kindly" way, but it was the truth(-: Praying for your continued improvement
xoNancy

[Marie-Louise]

Thank you for this update and for your openness in sharing with us...your mom is surely a Harmonious person...you are so lucky. I had been wondering How this was going and so appreciate knowing.

[Audrey Wilson]

It is SO much improved from the last time I saw it Kristin & I know it will continue to do so. It doesn't detract from your attractiveness one bit
I'll think positive about the other blemish. Just you say to it " Off you go. I'm not having any of that again !"
I know how you feel about 'les calendiers' . We have the sapeurs , the factrice, & the bin men all arriving with them . It becomes hard to find places for them to hang !!
Anyway, I'm looking forward to news of THE BOOK!
Take care ,
Audrey

[Dana Strout]

8 years ago I was diagnosed with an advanced case of prostate cancer and instead of coming out of it as my best friend kidded me "feeling like a new woman", I came out with simply a nice abdominal scar, much of which has faded. I lathered Vitamin E on it several times a day, ate croissants and drank copious amounts of vin rouge.

Now, I realize that my scar is on my abdomen and not on my face, which at 62 has other markings of a life fully lived, but the scar is a reminder to me that each day must be lived and not put off until tomorrow. It tells me not how unfortunate I was, but how lucky I was - for I am still here!

These scars of life, they all serve their purposes - wear it as a badge of honor and not as a mark of a victim, for it comes with a heavy obligation - to help others in similar situations, to mentor them and to give them courage.

Be well and thanks for being here with this column for all of us. Sorry for the overly long post.
Dana

[Frances Raedeker]

Dear Kristin, Bless you! After many basal cell carcinoma removals, I had a "Grandaddy." The plastic surgeon, to repair my HOLE, sliced me from the eyebrow down the bridge of my nose and around the nostril. When I looked under the humungous bandage I was horrified! But soon I graduated to the silicon and then to Magic Tape. It is hardly visible(I am told). But I have discovered the magic of Scotch Tape; it smoothes wrinkles fabulously, too! Love and Good Health, Frances

[Kristine, Dallas]

I'm sorry to have been remiss in reading FWD. Life has gotten in the way....but your post today and the link back were truly blessings! I am so thrilled to hear you are healing, though somewhat concerned about the other spot, and love that you are facing the world with the H of holiness on your forehead every day. Your Mom is truly one of God's servants and we are blessed that you share her with us. All the best!!

[Lynnie]

Simply put, Kristin, you are an inspiration and a billboard message to those who don't limit their time in the sun without sunscreen, a hat and clothing to protect their skin. My husband with very fair skin has sunbathed for years. "But I have sunscreen on!" I have been warning him and showed him your scare photo. I made doctor appointments for both of us. Yes, he has pre-cancerous spots all over his face, ears and head. Your Mum is awesome and God's words flow lovingly from her letters to you. You are very blessed to have her (and vice versa!) in your life, guiding you with inspiration and reminding you (us!) that there is a reason for everything. Thank God each day and accept your blessings with an open heart . Let your eyes remind you of the gifts and people who surround you. Love receiving your emails and thank you for sharing! Hugs and prayers, Lynnie (WA state, USA)

[L. M. Davies]

Kristin, I love the way your eyes shine in that latest photo! Scar? What scar? With that kind of glow, your smile is the only thing I notice. Congratulations on taking such good care of yourself!

Wishing you and yours the best of everything this Holiday Season!

[Frances]

Thank you so much for your sharing and openness. You are a daily inspiration for me. I eagerly await your posts as they always bring a ray of sunshine, kindness and caring into my daily life. I send you healing thoughts. Frances

[Lorrie Kazan]

Amazing how much it's already healed. I agree with everyone. You are beautiful both inside and out.

That said, I live in California where vanity is...well...not next to godliness, but you know...expected. Consulting a good plastic surgeon (we have many good ones if you visit here) and they're also doing wonders with lasers...if, in fact, it turns out that you actually need anything.
xoLorrie

[Shirley]

You are healing so beautifully. I know How much your Mom wishes she could Have been there to Hold your Hand through all of this. An ocean between you. Prayers are the answer.

[Peggy in Chappaqua, NY]

Kristin,
I've been reading your posts and emails for many years - thank you for giving a quick French tutorial, along with a glimpse into your life, including the bumps on the road! As a lover of words, I'm sure you know heal, health and whole are all linked - here's to finding scars just another memento of a life fully lived!

[Cheryl]

Ask your doctor about some medicines in the form of a topical cream that you put on your face that take away pre-cancerous cells. I had a basal cell removed from my nose last year,so I am now trying to get rid of the pre-cancerous cells which will eventually turn into basal cells.

[Susan Contesini Luber]

Dear Kristin ~ Have been following your journey through the surgery since diagnosis, including the search for the appropriate surgeon. Both my dermatologist and I wondered why you didn't come home stateside for the surgery. You were courageous, made the decision, have lived with an unusually large scar and now you (and it!) are healing! I concur with all your other well-wishers, that it will continue to fade, this long ordeal will soon be behind you, and you are definitely as beautiful as always. Your optimism is an inspiration. In awe and admiration and with encouragement, Susan (Sonoma Valley in California)

[Ronni Ebbers]

Marvelous news.
We raise a glass, at our tiny neighborhood restaurant near le Place Saint Sulpice, to your good health today and for many many years to come.

Ronni

[Chris Hooker]

Dear Kristin, Both my husband and I have had two Moh's surgeries for the same basal cell on our faces. His most recent was large and the scar was a bit raised. A few brushes with the laser at his dermatologist's office and it is hardly noticeable.
Having said that...
I receive your French word a day and I have read your blog for quite awhile now. As I 'cram' for my spring trip to Paris and it's environs, I read this post and your mom's words. I sit here with tears falling. Your mom's gift to you is beyond measure and sheds holy light on what is really important. Your scar will be your visual armor of that which empowers your being.
Thank you for sharing you life and loves with us.
Bisous, Chris

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you, Chris, and to everyone who took the time to leave a message here. The scars and healing are no longer a worry... My moms poem is a wonderful reminder to not let the marks bother me, either! Thanks for pointing out her words; I need to read them again! 

Courage to all of those reading who are worried about an upcoming surgery or a growth. See your dermatologist and take care. No worries, it will all work out as my grandmother used to say!