aile

Photo taken in the village of Saignon.

libellule

lee-bay-lewl

noun, feminine

dragonfly

 

The flapping sound seemed to be coming from the other side of the bedroom window. I got out of bed and unlatched the wooden volets, which allow the midnight breeze to cool the room.

The fluttering continued as I searched along the windowsill, down to the patio just below. Pauvre bête, a winged insect must have fallen on its back. Its world was now turned upside down! I imagined its helpless, feet-to-the-sky predicament. It would starve or be eaten by another critter of the night!

Tap! Tap! Tap! A noise sprung up from behind me. Startled, I spun around. 

My ears tuned in to a shuffling sound over by the table de nuit. Was my hearing playing tricks on me? Had the creature been there all along? 

.
What had been compassion turned into a creepy feeling (the creepy-crawly had been so close—right beside the mattress!). Returning to the bed, I calmly switched on the lamp. With my cheek flush against the wall, I peered back behind the table.

There it was! The horrifying life form! 

Writhing in anger, its worm-like body twisted as it struggled. Was it a mille-pattes? The name was terrifying enough! Imagine une bestiole with one thousand feet!

In one effective jerk I was standing on the bed.
"Sois calme," I told myself. Tu peux gérer!

I slowly pulled the nightstand away from the wall to study my abominable suite-mate. Examining the insect's wormy body, four iridescent "double wings" came into view....

Une libellule! I recognized the creature from our tableware. I have a set of plates depicting the popular winged insect that is glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware! I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now of what I could identify.

"Ouf, it is only you!" I studied the dragonfly. My chills subsided. "Time to get back on your feet!" 

With the help of an odd scrap of paper, I guided the wayward creature, coaxing it gently along the wall to the window. I watched as the libellule teetered at the edge of the scrap paper precipice, the dark night gently calling it forth.

We paused at the window, one of us peering down at the patio. It seemed an awfully long drop-off for a recovering dragonfly....

A wobbly step or two and off it went, advancing into the night in an uneven fashion. It looked like an old man on crutches, zigzagging forth on the breeze of eternity. 

 

Your Edits Here. Thank you for pointing out any grammar or punctuation problems  in the comments box. Many thanks! 

 

 French Vocabulary 

le volet = shutter
la pauvre bête = poor thing
une table (f) de nuit = a nightstand
le mille-pattes = centipede, millepede
une bestiole = creature
sois calme = stay calm
tu peux gérer! = you can handle this!
une libellule = dragonfly
ouf! = phew!

Comments

[Divya]

Hi Kristin, Something's wrong with this sentence. If I understood it I'd tell you :)

"I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what could be classified (not to mention glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware!)."

Divya

[Sushil from Mauritius]

Hello Kristin,
Another beautiful story. It is sometimes as important to right an upturned insect as to right a wrong. And more satisfying...

Millipedes are arthropods, but (unlike dragonflies) are not insects.

Would 'dropoff' be better as 'drop-off' ?

Regarding the sentence quoted above by Divya, would '-unafraid now of-' sound better?

[Ray Stoddard]

Paragraph 11 reads: "I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what could be classified (not to mention glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware!)."

I think you want to do 2 things:

1. Add something after the word "classified" such as "as scarey" since you seem to want to be comparing classified with glorified.
2. Remove the parentheses entirely and put a comma in, as in, "I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what could be classified AS SCAREY, not to mention glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware!"

[Sharon Marchisello]

"dropoff" should be hyphenated: drop-off

This sentence seems a bit awkward:
I got out of bed to unlatch the wooden volets, which allow a cool midnight breeze to filter in to the room in summertime.

Here's a suggestion; you might do better:
I got out of bed and unlatched the wooden volets, which allowed the midnight summer breeze to cool the room.

[terry]

by "classified" kristin, are you saying that you now know
what it is? "recognized/named"? i agree that the sentence is stilted. how about moving the phrase beginning with "glorified on everything..."to the little paragraph above. then you'd have just one paragraph saying-"Une libellule! I recognized the creature from our tableware. I have a set of plates depicting the popular insect, (who is)glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware!.I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what could be classified.(named? recognized?)

[JULES GREER - PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO]

KRISTI MY LITTLE ANGEL,

I just adore all of the input your friends have come up with regarding this lovely story....now I must record all of their names for a secret file to be called upon when you settle down and write your first novel.

You have surrounded yourself with a professional editing team...this is what you did not receive from Simon and Schuster years ago...to have all of these wonderful friends help you think about what you are trying to say....WOW...I am so happy for you.

XOXO

MOM

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you for these excellent edits and suggestions. I will get to work on them very soon! 

Mom, love your note. Do you remember this story in its original version? It has been cleaned up over the past two days and these edits are the finishing touch. Thanks everyone!

[julie camp]

Something that binds all your writing is vulnerability. I want to hug you, and at the same time I feel hugged. Mmmm.

Herein a typo: I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what I could identified.

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you, Julie, for the lovely feedback and for the edit.

I have taken a combination of all the edits here--and reworked that sentence. 

One more thing, in the opening paragraph I mention the shutters which, when closed, allow one to keep the windows open -- all the while letting in the breeze. Because I did not mention windows, I hope this sentence makes sense as is.

Thanks again! 

P.S. Sushil, I enjoyed your thoughts here:  *It is sometimes as important to right an upturned insect as to right a wrong.*  

[Sushil from Mauritius]

Hello Kristin,
The sentence:" I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now at what I could identified." has gone awry.
" I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now of what I could identify." might sound better.
The preposition used after '(un)afraid' should be 'of' or 'to', eg. 'afraid of it, afraid of doing' (noun or gerund) or 'afraid to do' (verb).
'At' with afraid is a preposition of time eg. 'afraid at night".
Enough with edits, a word to your lovely mother...

Dear Jules,
A novel from your gifted daughter would be wonderful!
With regards,

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you for catching that one, Sushil! Re novel writing, I appreciate your encouragement! I have made a few awkward first attempts, but never carried on. I thought about attending a novel-writing workshop this summer, but decided to remain a homebody instead! 

[Natalia]

Our dear Kristin,
I loved this! Your words and storytelling have transformed something as simple as finding a dragonfly into something almost magical!Too swept away with enjoyment to do anything else except enjoy!And that's what a gifted writer can create!Magic!
Wouldn't change anything!
Love, Natalia XO

[Diane Young]

M'aidez, si'l vous plait. I don't understand most of the edits. I think I must have received the version that had already been changed. You need to continue being the writer and ignore most of these edits, which for the most part are not helpful, and in some cases dilute your style.

[Sarah LaBelle near Chicago]

also perfect. Your dialogue with others has left a story that reads very smoothly. A familiar emotion, too.

[Karen from Phoenix]

I guess I am reading the story after all the edits, nothing to add.

xoxo

[Millie]

Je crois que tu as fait toutes les corrections, car c'est une anecdote très bien écrite. Even before correction, I do like your writing style. You always make me feel like I was there. Yes, I would also pick up a hurt fly and use two large pieces of paper to scoop it up and bring it to the open air to libberate it.

[Ginny Ross]

Dear Kristin,
Once more you have charmed us with a glimpse into your life and your tender heart. I can just imagine that grateful dragonfly telling his 'friends' about his amazing rescue
by a lovely lady after she got brave enough to climb down from the bed and discover that he was just a harmless creature in distress. This would make a charming story for a book for children.
Thanks, too for sharing the stunning photograph of the blue-shuttered window with the flower box of red flowers.
Best wishes from Tucson,
Ginny

[Rebecca Q. T.]

Where was your Frenchman-in-shining-armor during this frightening escapade? Isn't that what husbands are for? In any case, I have arrived too late at the editing table to offer any truly relevant help due to a Friday-night stint in La Grande Pomme. Since the story has already been well combed for errors, I offer two compositional suggestions.

1) Here: "Une libellule! I recognized the creature from our tableware. (I have a set of plates depicting the popular winged insect that is glorified on everything from Provençal tablecloths to glassware!) I dropped to the floor for a closer look, unafraid now of what I could identify."

This sentence is slightly careless. I say ditch the parentheses and incorporate this aside into the actual text, like so: "I recognized the creature from our tableware which, like many Provençal home accessories, glorify/feature the charming winged insect.

Qu'est-ce que vous en pensez?

2) The ending. It is abrupt compared to your other stories. It might seal the deal to close with a profound adage, such as the eloquent one offered by our colleague a few comments up, on the importance of showing compassion, even when dealing with something frightening or ugly. How very St. Francis-esque of you, Kristin! Brava.

[Kristin Espinasse]

Thank you Rebecca. Ive removed those parenthesis. Re the abrupt ending, it may seem less so if I combine the final two paragraphs?

[Rebecca Q T]

No need to combine. With a second look I think it is fantastic as is, as the "eternity" comment does open it back up! Glad to see the pesky parentheses go. Thank you for giving me (and everyone else, too!) the opportunity to work on this with you. I find myself excited to open my email on MWF mornings and get going!

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