Vendange + Hostile? (Please don't sign off after reading this!)

Readers call him anything from "Hunk of Burning Love" to "Chief Grape" (and some other things, read on...). Here is my husband in his vines, at this morning's unofficial harvest.  More pictures will be posted, soon, at Instagram (see here).


A SERIOUS WARNING:
Today's story includes sensitive material (and the F word). Please do not be offended or sign off for this transgression. And if I have made a horrible mistake, in this emotional state, please allow a second chance just as you  sometimes need one too!

la vendange (von-donzh) noun, feminine
  1. grape/wine harvest or vintage; grapes (harvested); grape crop

vendanger (von-don-zhay) verb
  1. to pick or to harvest grapes


Comme les vendanges, les amours tardives sont les plus délicieuses. / Like the grape harvest, love gathered late is the most delicious. --Jean Amadou

:: Audio File ::
Listen to my daughter pronounce today's word & quote:
Download vendange.mp3 or Download vendange.wav 


A DAY IN A FRENCH LIFE... by Kristin Espinasse

"Hostile"

In an ideal world, my husband would be married to a vigneron - or at least a woman who drinks wine. She would love the sun, love to travel and thrive on the unexpected.

I was once like that--back when Jean-Marc married me. Lover of wine, sun and travel. They say people don't change. But I did. Partly for the better. Partly for the worse.

Weeks like this one bring out the worst in me. The flurry of the unknown: the wine harvest and the house change-over (we are leaving our home to my brother-in-law and his family on Friday, while we go on vacation. But first, I would like to find all the cobwebs, the rings around the sinks, and the dustbunnies and remove them--along with all our dirty sheets--before my houseguests arrive to spend the day with us...lunch and dinner...and before my husband, our kids, our dog, my husband's bike and I leave them and pile into my brother-in-law's small car (we've sold ours) and drive through the night to the west coast (where we will pass the time until our rental home is available at 4pm (but where will we go for shade, and what will we do with our dog?)

I am nervous about finishing the housework, nervous about what to cook for family, Friday, nervous about the overnight drive (is it safe? Will we stay awake? and Friday's family lunch, dinner what will I make?). Each question is another tick in a time bomb.

Last night I exploded. And every deep-seated fear and insecurity inside of me poured out, onto my equally-riled husband. He was unable, then, to take me into his arms at a time when I needed it the most. (Well, would you hug a volcano? Would a volcano hug a volcano?)


This all reminds me of an upsetting email I received.  David writes:

When I read the post in which you noted that one of your readers had formed the opinion that JM is a "jerk", my thought was "of course". Despite your conscious mind's extollling JM's virtues in your blog, your disguised and sublimated hostility to your husband has been a feature of your blog since I first started reading it several years ago. Highly likely that some readers will form negative feelings toward JM as they sense your sublimated hostility to him.  Before your confession I thought maybe you just had contempt for Chief Grape's being a dirt guy instead of city guy. Although that might be a factor in your subconscious too.

Your 'confession of being a recovering alcoholic seemed to fill in your pattern of hostility, to wit: that JM should change professions to become a winemaker could easily be interpreted by someone in my profession as being the ultimate passive aggressive act against you.

Your ambivalence re: writing your memoir on-line has been interesting to observe. You are 'in the weeds' and you know it, but haven't yet had the insight as to why.

IN THE WEEDS (OR AT LEAST IN THE SHEETS)

Waking up this morning alone in my daughter's bed, the following words jogged through my brain as they do each and every morning for as long as I can remember (ever since I discovered how uncourageous I truly am, some 13 years ago): 

 

Thank you God. Thank you. Thank you God. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy....(I fall asleep and wake again...) Forgive us our trespasses... This is the day the Lord hath made.... Forgive me. Forgive me Lord. Thank you. Thank you God. Keep my kids and husband safe. Smokey. My mom safe. John safe. My dad and Marsha safe. My sister, Brian.....Michèle-France...

When I am done pleading with God,  I lie there frozen, wondering. What will happen today?

Of course no one can know what will happen. I did not know, two days ago,  that I would find another lump on my dog.  I am helpless to change the course of life, but I am capable of standing up for myself and for others while innocents fall.

WARNING: HERE IS THE SENSITIVE PART

I will begin by answering David's email. And I am sincerely sorry, Dear Reader, if the following words offend you as they do me (and I pray my Aunt--or anyone she knows--is not reading):

 

Dear David,
FUCK YOU! You don't know my husband, or me, or my family.

Bon débarras!
Kristin 

 

Post Note:
I was supposed to write about our unofficial grape harvest. But all of this was ticking inside of me. Everything is okay now. And if you were driving past our vineyard early this morning, amidst the leafy vines laden with grapes, you saw a man and a woman in a deep embrace:

"Désolé pour hier soir."

"No, It is me who is sorry."

Smokey knows the secret to enduring love. Meantime, we are packing up our precious dog and taking a one-week leave. See you in September!

xoxo
Kristi
(not hostile. Only human)

Comments

[Jane Cohn]

Good on you! as an Australian friend says.

[Allison]

Perfect response! I never understood why the internet has become a place where so many take the time to hurt so many- especially when they are already hurting. I've experienced it myself on message boards.
Writing a blog I think you have to grow a thick skin and realize there are some mean spirited loonies out there. They really get off on just hurting people!

Love your blog, your husband and you :)

[Bob]

Hi Kristy--this snivelling little man -David--is a wannabee psychologist or one of those deadly people who just enjoys upsetting people.
If anyone ever makes a similar comment or something like it, just laugh, rate it zero out of 10 and delete it. Really. It's pathetic.
By the way, I hate strong language, but I think that's the first time I can recall when it was really needed!

[Allison]

Oh... and I think we can all see that David is the one with the issues here....

[Peter]

David's utterly misguided sense of self-importance and his inappropriate and rude insertion of quasi-analysis into your online conversation (with us, your readers) is appalling. David was not being helpful: he was being self-righteous and hostile. We, your readers, read as we choose and react by either continuing to read and read, treasuring the story and its many characters, or... we cease reading. It is not our role or right to insert wildly hypothetical and unnecessary, unhelpful comments. Were David to be a neighbor in the French countryside, rest assured he would quickly discover that his manner is unwelcome and inappropriate. He would be ignored and despised. Good for you for using the that glorious four-letter word when it was most needed, and for aiming it at just the right target!

[Geraldine Ventura]

I do hate that word. BUT good for you, Kristin! I and I am sure most others don't see any of that persons insight(?). Instead we see a very loving wife, husband and family who are loving and supportive but have some bumps like the rest of us! I do appreciate your openess. Keep it up. Enjoy your vacation!

[Maryanne]

Sorry, David, but none of that came through for me. Do you think you might be projecting your own issues here?

[DianeD]

Ignore,ignore. People like him are really the unhappy ones. You know who you truly are you know who Jean Marc truly is. You've weathered through so much together. That is real love. As readers and as having the joy of actually meeting you at your old home I saw in person the love you have for each other and your family including the 4 legged ones. So pay no mind to this fool.
Can't wait to hear about your vacation. Enjoy and be happy!
DianeD

[Cyndy]

Kristin, the perfect response to the emailer. Spot on. There's nothing worse than an armchair psychologist, or some stranger, not even there, who thinks they know what's best for you.

As for Smokey--I'm praying for him. Lumps can be removed, again and again, n'est-ce pas?

The kissing box was the perfect idea. It really points up your creativity. I want one of his kisses!
Cyndy

[Rui Carlos da Cunha]

Dear Kristin,

Arm-chair psychologists suck, unless of course, you are seeking their assistance. This fellow has zero consideration for you and your family. His insights lack any depth of understanding and are laughable. The joke is on him (and sadly the rest of the world) until he wakes up to his lack of care for others or himself. You did the right thing, especially prefacing the harsh language for those with sensitivities to obsenities. Be well. Peace.

Best regards,
Rui

[Amber in Illinois]

Bravo Chere Kristi!

[Deborah]

Well said!! You are a strong person and you never know you strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. I enjoy your blogs!

[Adrienne Kinkaid]

Totally agree with your response to David and with all the previous comments.
Bon courage!

[MaryD]

Good for you, you absolutely said the right thing to David. I could say a lot of things
about David and his comments but he is not worth the time.
Have a lovely holiday. We will all miss you.

[Judi]

Dear Kristin, all I can say is YES!!!! I guess that gent has the right to his thoughts, as do we all, but congratulations to you for not taking them to heart. Maybe all of us (your readers) feel that we know you, since you are so generous with the stories of your life, and maybe we all have some unrealistic thoughts and feelings...I probably imagine your life as sunny and beautiful every day, when obviously nobody's life is like that, even though I want a life in Provence to be that way!! But anyway... I'm so glad you didn't spin that negative message into any kind of negative spiral for yourself. PS I tend to end my days with thoughts similar to the ones you have at the beginning of yours. I still get anxious sometimes, but it does work. Bonnes vacances à toi et à la famille.

[Peter]

I have to write more: through your blog you have shared with many readers your life, and your family's life in France. We have been reading with delight and fascination for years (years!). You have opened your life and your heart to us, unknown readers - this is a gift, both wonderful and fragile. But the important aspect is that it is a gift. All of us, with the exception of David, respond with gratitude. So to the many epithets that will no doubt be aimed at David, let us add "ungrateful". Don't let his comments deter you - we continue to be thankful that you share your fascinating story! Ayez des vacances glorieuses et reconstituantes!

[Jean Munroe]

Have a WONDERFUL holiday! We need more people like you in the world and fewer people like David. You did exactly the right thing. And keep on being brutally honest. It makes us love you even more.

[Pat]

Kristin,
Re: Dave's comment:Good for you! Well done. I had the pleasure several years ago of meeting you and your husband at your previous house and vineyard. It was a delightful visit and easy to see how you and JM loved one another. What you go thru is not easy, many trials during your life, but you manage to stay on the right track and always with an upbeat attitude. Keep on doing what you are doing and best of luck to you.

[Tom B, Atlanta GA]

Cher, Kristin,

Analysis from afar is a dangerous thing. And David was entirely out of line postulating his thoughts and interpretations. You are right: He doesn't know you or your family. And lucky us who do! I definitely count my blessings at having had the fortune of meeting you and Jean-Marc a few years ago at your home and JM again in NYC when he came for a wine show.

Your complete honesty and transparency at looking at the ups and downs of what could easily be masked as the idyllic and exotic life of an American expatriate in France is heroic. Your willingness to share all the warts is beautiful and heart-warming because, ma cher, you are real.

Know that the majority of your readers do not criticize or judge you, but hold you and Jean-Marc in great esteem. You have touched our hearts in meaningful ways and we eagerly await your blog to see what else we can gain from your insights.

With love to you both and wishes for bonnes vacances!

Tom

[Sue]

What in the bloody hell is David talking about??? I have read (almost) all of your posts for years, and have NEVER picked up on whatever drivel he is talking about. Some people just feel the need to practice psychobabble and impress (?) everyone with their insight into people they don't even know.
While I don't drop the F-Bomb myself, I do recognize the therapeutic release that some words provide.
You, your husband, your kids, your dog ALL ROCK!
JE VOUS ADORE !!!!!

[Stéphanie]

Bon débarras en effet - et que David soit consigné à la poubelle où on jette les choses inutiles soit même vénéneuses-- bonnes vacances!!!

[Nancy Stilwagen]

Good fore you, Kristin. People too often feel they can offer their unsolicited opinions, without regard to the fact that they are talking to human beings! I am glad you stood up for yourself, and set that boundary. As far as David is concerned, I think he is just trying to see something in you that he sees in himself. I hope he gets better!

[JoAnna]

I would hardly say I sense any hostility toward JM!! I find so much humor in your day to day tales, and I imagine a lot of the frustration and humor you find is not because your husband is a vigneron but because he's French! You walk that line of an American living in France that many of us imagined we would walk but never had the courage to jump the pond and do so. Don't stop sharing the snippets of a life lived in a mas, in Provence, raising grapes, dogs and kids!!

[Helen miller]

So glad everyone is being supportive Kristin. Also glad you feel better. Everyone's anxiety increases as stress piles upon stress. Glad you told that idiot, David, off. Have fun on your vacation!!

[N J Barbour]

Anyone married knows the ups and downs "and sideways" of married life. This was written by someone with an agenda probably based on his own life's experiences. It was obviously hurtful to read and to think that he could construe such things and spit them out for you to read. Shame on him but I think you can see that your readers don't feel this way.

[An English girl in France]

You have had a lot to deal with recently and your response to that dreadful email was spot on. No-one can truly understand the awful pain of losing a dear family member; for many of us that's exactly what our animals are to us. I am still struggling since losing my beautiful old cat earlier this year.

[Pamela Wing]

David is an (pardon me) asshole!!!!!! I'll bet he's a "shrink". He's the reason I would never go to one of them.

Relationships are not easy.

Try to enjoy your vacation and relieve some of your stress. I have had a lot of unfounded fears in my life so I understand they are not always easy to move beyond.

I am so sorry about Smokey. I don't want to be negative and send a prayer out for him, but Goldens are "tumor magnets" and it is very common in the breed, on both sides of the sea.

As for the F-bomb, I have been know to do that more than once in my life.

Looking forward to hearing about your vacation.

[Cindy Mc]

Kristi cherie.. A professional would never attempt to diagnose someone by simply reading her blog. So there you go.. Disregard all remarks by David, who, by-the-way, has probably never been 'married' ( & if so, pity his poor partner.) Bonne vacances à tous !

[Cynthia P. Lewis]

Dear Kristin,

I wouldn't "sign off" of your blog in a million years! Not only are you strong and wise, you have insight into living and appreciating what is truly important in life. You share these gifts through your writing and we thank you for that.

Bonne vacance and bisous for Smokey,
Cynthia

[Karen W. - Parkton, MD]

Sometimes that word is so fitting. And, good for, Kristin. You've come a long way. Time was, you may have taken that invasive analysis to heart. Don't go there. Your response dismissed it and that shows much strength. Sometimes our more emotional days are great periods of growth. XOXO Have a wonderful holiday!! Breathe in love and peace.

[John Schofield]

David has what we in Independence, Missouri would call a 'rectocranial' inversion.
As one who majored in French in the late fifties, but never got there until 2010, I envy you your joys as well as your difficulties!
This David is no doubt constipated mentally AND physically.
Love your enjoyment of La Belle France.

[Patricia]

Love you and your family...husband kids and dogs ( dog now)...life is tough and we all try to keep on as best we can! Thinking of you...you are great!

[Tish Tyler]

Kristi: Bravo! You go girl! Have a wonderful vacation with your family and Smokey Dokey. I am praying that this lump is nothing. And I love Smokey's Bisous box - I am sure the line would be endless.

[Denise]

Good for you! So much better in English than in French!

[Leslie grabowski]

Nothing said here that I could add. Your linguistic talent and ability again serve you well. This guy was out of line on so many fronts. You generously share your life with your readers and what a gift you give us with your insights! I hope he renders a letter of apology to you.
Bon vacances.

[Audrey Wilson]

The ONLY reply to a jerk like that!! Sounds like pseudo psycologist to me ! Take no heed.
Secretly we ladies think JM is a bit alright!!!
Love Smokey in his booth. I send a kiss to him
Love Audrey

[Claudia]

David who?
Much more importantly, good vibes & best wishes for Smokey. Pura vida from Costa Rica

[khimmie]

Dear Kristin,
I see you as a wonderful, delicious and sweet apple...and David was the menacing worm that ate into you.....I don't have to say the rest. Just know that your readers laugh and smile with you, cry and anguish with you and most of all....admire you for all that you have to endure. I wish you lots of strength and more courage against worms out there trying to spoil your wonderful blog. My heart felt wishes for Smokey too, that he'll spend many many more moons with his loving family.Bonnes vacances !

[Paulette]

Courage comes from vulnerability not strength. Thank you for showing your vulnerability Kristin.

[adeline richarson Ile de La Réunion]

De la psychologie à deux balles!!!
I just didn't know how to say that in English but found the perfect word in Bob's above answer : a wannabee psychologist! I also found : two-bit, worhless, junk, cheap, tacky... (any other similar adjectives to improve my English :-) ???)
Don't let this mean David bother you!
Go ahead and to enjoy your holiday!
PS : the F word was just the perfect answer!!!

[Richard]

Bravo, Kristin, bravo!

[lorraine]

Cher Kristin,
We really enjoy your blog and also the pics - would never dream of commenting on someones blog unless I had something positive to offer. Who wants to read such drivel as that silly poster wrote? Agree with the man from Independence, Missouri - 'rectocranial inversion' Indeed!
Enjoy your vacation and your family in peace, now.
Bon été,
L.

[Robyn France]

Parfait! And the nerve of David to start psychoanalysing your relationship with your husband---online or in person, David would not be a friend for me or most--some people love to grovel in others' issues and make pronouncements. Usually among the "people in glass houses" group. Amen!

[Mary liz]

You know Kristen ...sometimes you really need that word. I think it was justified.
That guy is absolutely unbelievable.... And needs to get some kind of help
Mary liz

[Neil Plakcy]

Excellent response! I have never gotten that impression from your pieces, and clearly it's your correspondent who has the "issues." I admire your diligence and your insights and love reading your blog and seeing your photos.

[Jens from Copenhagen]

Well said!

I love the statement above from John Schofield:
"This David is no doubt constipated mentally AND physically"!

[lou bogue]

from an old Vondonzhay who has had the pleasure of meeting and breaking bread with you and JM, a harder working man and a loving wife I have never seeb in my 88 years, of course you gave a perfect response but you know the real david is a very JEALOUS man and a man who has never had the wonderful life you two enjoy, have a great vacation and the grapes look very good, wish I could be their and help. Love to you and yours. Lou

[Ron]

K-

God bless you, Kristen! You just elicited a full belly laugh from me, with your exquisitely phrased retort to the vile David. Please give Smokey a little pet from me. And JM, too!

[Tracey Smith]

Dear Kristen
Expletives used sparingly are exquisite use of language and expressions of our spectrum of feelings. I encourage your vulnerability in your writing because it resonates your truth and invites us in to a real experience. It is part of what is so beautiful about you and JM and helps the rest of us understand the complexities of life are not just happening to us.
I try to understand that when others spill out their meaness like that it comes from their own hurt. Say a prayer and move on to the the loving arms you have waiting.
Bon courage
Tracey Smith

[Katia]

When I read your response to David, I almost let out a loud cheer in the quiet office at work. I wouldn't even think of signing off. Your honest, humble, wise writing is precisely why I am a devoted reader. Thank you for trusting us with the stories you write about your family. We will never be able to see 'the full picture' of your life, but what we do see feels pretty darn real to us. We relate to your stories. I'm sorry to read about another lump on Smokey and will continue to keep you, Smokey, and your entire family in my thoughts. Bon voyage!

[Nancy]

Oh wow. Just wow. What a bizarre attack. You are so clearly madly in love with your husband. I've been reading your blog and books for years and in my opinion David doesn't get your writings at all. Maybe he fears he will never have such a love in his own life and will never experience how two people can madly adore each other yet retain their individuality and enjoy the humor and spice in the daily challenges of life. But, defending your writings aside, there is no intelligent message in such an attack beyond a very destructive jealousy. My thought is: please be careful. Don't feed trolls.

[Louisa]

The daring posts are the best ones. :) Never once did I get from your musings what this man is suggesting and I read between the lines even more than I should. Behind you all the way with your very fitting response!

[Chris Allin]

Dear Kristi,

Oh no, another troll! Everything I want to say back to his arrogant and vicious email has already been beautifully said by your readers. My husband and I both had the same reaction to your response to David. It is the first time for either of us that this expression has brought forth a laugh! (And now I understand why it is called a bomb.)

The picture of Smokey is so cute and dog kisses are the best. Glad you are able to take him with you. Hope you all can let go and enjoy your time together away from the fray~

[Melissa Strait]

Right on, sister! I'm not the least offended...I laughed out loud! That supercilious, self-righteous a$$-hole deserved that and more. Who the hell does he think he is to tell you that?! I mean really! I'm soooo outraged on your behalf, it's not even remotely funny.
Whoever this "David" is, he needs to just crawl back into his little hole and shut up!
On a more pleasant note, enjoy your family & the vacation, y'all need some alone family time.
Much love from Melbourne, FL.💜👍🏻

[Ann]

I think of people like David as "rocks in a stream". You can either crash against them or glide right around and continue on your way. He is not worth the emotional energy, but If "f___ you" helps you on your way, go for it.

[Alisa Dinkel]

Bravo Kristi!

[Sue jean]

As it would be impossible to think of anything bad to say about you and the husband you so obviously adore, David had to make up something ridiculous. He is clearly in need of help and I hope he gets it, as I imagine he has hurt others as well.

[Ene Cronk]

That very arrogant, all-knowing man who wrote that very cruel and vitriolic remark is an ass. Ignore him. He does not know you or your husband or your family. Clearly, he has a need to feel important and be judgemental and advise the world of it's faults and shortcomings.
The dangers of writing a blog are many. Hopefully you will be able to laugh at sad people like him and take comfort and joy in those who write to tell you how much they enjoy entering your life through the posts that you share with us.

[Meg Martin]

Chere Kristi, David's note has generated quite a response, and doubtless he is analyzing that too. And well he should. Who knows (or cares) what his academic and/or professional background might be. His message was gratuitous and grossly inappropriate to many of us. I actually doubt that this person is trained in psychology or addiction therapy. But if I'm wrong, just remember that the higher the monkey climbs, the more we see his ass.

Here's wishing you a wonderful holiday.

[[email protected]]

Well said. Screw David and all those people out there like him who think they have the leeway to make egregious comments and judgments in complete ignorance. I would probably have said much more than "Fuck you," so congrats on being so restrained.

[Lynn McBride]

Wow. Poor David has certainly revealed his own problems. Your surprising, concise, and absolutely perfect reply gave me a good laugh. Now have a fabulous vacation. PS. Sure wish I was there to get some of those free bises from that babydoll.

[Mary]

Un mot, Krstin....BRAVO!!!!

[Josee]

Bonjour Kristin,
Thank you for your "franchise". Life is joys, disappointments, clarity, confusion. It is also recognizing strengths and weaknesses and growing with and along them. Your insights depict real life of relationships - our own and with others.
Bonnes vacances et au plaisir de vous lire bientôt.

[Jeff]

Good for you! What an arrogant asshole. You gave him the perfect response. Have a wonderful vacation.

[Heather in Arles]

I am a little speechless, so rather than let my anger boil over I will simply ask: "Haven't you been through enough recently?" Was that email approrpriate in any way shape or form? No. Mean-spiritedness makes me sad. I am grateful for your elegance - yes, even with the F-bomb - in ending on a gloriously positive note. Thank you for staying true, Kristin.
With much Love,
Heather

[Nick]

I agree with all that the others have said. David's 'analysis' sounds like something you'd hear from a fortune teller at a carnival as she (it's usually 'she'!) waves her hand over her crystal ball and comes up with a load of bull's excrement. I wonder if David writes horoscopes too!

[Kathy]

Bravo!

[Pam Horovitz]

Kristin, i think what so many of us like about your blog is the fact that you write about things that are REAL: like feeling overwhelmed, and spats with a husband. (Exactly my own day yesterday!) I had to laugh at your response to David-the-know-it-all, because it was exactly what went through my head as I read his email. The good news is that a recent study (I saw it in the NY TImes, so it must be true) says that the occasional swear word really works to defuse anger. Better news, all your readers supported your perfect response. Bonne vacances!

[[email protected]]

Wow as the Americans say...way to go Kristen!

You are not only beautiful but gutsy too.

I hope you and your family have a great holiday.

love
Oliver.

[Dawn]

I am so sorry you had to experience that idiot's remarks. The f word was the first thing that came to my mind as I read what he wrote. I was so proud of you for responding that way! Along with all the others, I appreciate your honesty as you write about your life. Your blog is one of my life's blessings. Thank you!

[MAUREEN]

A propos monkeys (as Meg Martin mentioned): NOT your circus, Kristi, NOT your monkeys..... David is a misanthrope..... and very unprofessional IF he is a shrink.....How dare a pseudo-shrink analyze ANYONE online!! Yes, eff him off your radar.....good for you.....None of us agree with what he said. Chuzpe!!

[Corinne]

A. I've never read that in your posts.
B. Suggestions not asked for are criticisms.
C. As a fellow shrink, David's comments sound like the thoughts of a newly educated/student Freudian. To offer thoughts like those without invitation is unprofessional.

[Cynthia]

Oh yes, a perfect example of a control-freak misogynist - classic text book. David found a vulnerability and went for the jugular. Wouldn't be surprised if he is emotionally or physically abusive to the woman in his life (if he can assume things about you, I'll return the favor). He's one in a million out there. Ignore him. Move on. He's not worth one moment of your emotional or physical energy. Listen to those who truly know you and love you. Cynthia

[Sophie Day]

I would much rather concentrate on the photo of Smokey in his bisous booth. So appropriate! I've been reading your blog forever it seems and have always enjoyed your honesty. Following the ups and downs of you and your family's lives has been an enlightening experience. I find the expression of love between you and your husband genuine with an evolving complexity, as is natural in all intimate relationships. I'm sure you will make a perfect meal for your family, have a 1spick and span' clean home, and enjoy your time away before the grueling but rewarding harvest. Gros bisous, Sophie

[Marilyn]

Kristen, you are stronger than you think--bravo for telling off that idiot David. He obviously does not understand how complex marriage, especially one of long standing, can be. Hostile my a**! You and Jean Marc have an enviable relationship and family. You are living my dream for me---thank you. Keep on telling us what you can of your love and your life.

[Gail]

Right on Kristi! Have a wonderful vacation. Your blog is brave and honest and REAL. Keep it up and ignore the likes of David. Your "F" bomb was totally appropriate in this case, especially.

[Vance Anderson-Inks]

Along time ago I told my daughters that if they heard me use the F bomb it was exactly what I meant. Short and sweet. You could have,if you wanted to elaborate,added "and the Ass you rode in on." Have a fantastic holiday wrapped in love.

[Bill Denson]

Hi Kristin!

That was some nasty dude! But, you gave him exactly what he deserves! Hopefully he will skulk away somewhere and never be heard from again.

This is the first time I've left a comment, even though I've been a devoted reader for several years!

Just know that we (in our thousands) love you, JM, and the kids very much!

Bill D.
Ft. Myers, FL, USA

[heather]

Kristin, Bravo for writing that response and i must say i was amazed that you did because you are such a lady :-) My sense, right off the bat, reading his response is that he practices psychology or psychiatry, and believes he knows everything about people because of some textbook. HOWEVER, i will bet he is NOT in a loving relationship himself. If he was, he would know and understand the subtle differences between all men and all women -- which are exactly what contributes to the little discomforts, spats and miscommunications that occur with most couples -- these differences make up the two halves of the comic egg of love. Most "love relationships" come with a few spats -- and yes even with our children. A while back i mentioned to you about putting yourself "out there" in your blog and in the the world, and just realizing there will be some critics, mean jealous folk, or a**es. You have so many readers who have your back (me included) so do not fret. I am sorry he hurt your spirit but F*** him.

[Sandy]

I loved this column and especially your perfect (and entirely appropriate!) response to that ridiculous man.
Wishing you and your family a very happy vacation.

[Ally Davis]

That man is a horrible human being -can you block him? I was offended by his pseudo -intellectual criticism of you and your husband. As for your response -you go girlfriend !

[Susan Thomas]

David is a jerk. And showing his own issues. Your response was perfect!

[Buffy]

Don't be afraid to experience life as you once did, full of possibilities and adventure. You have already been living that adventure for over 20 years. Life throws curves at us on a daily basis. Some say that is life. I hate that statement, but unfortunately it is true. I like the one that says everything happens for a reason. There was a reason you fell in love in France...you have two beautiful children and a life that most just live in a dream. Many of us start to have fears at What once seemed like nothing to us. The fear of the unknown, the fear of the known. Don't stop enjoying every piece of your adventure. take a deep breath or even more than one, and sail around those curves like they were nothing. Have a great time away with the family.

[a fan]

Ha! You go girl!!!

[mjbiber]

god bless and good luck
we all have our issues

but ya gotta relax and smell the roses and enjoy the sun

xxo

[Clay]

As a Christian, I try to avoid the language and cringe at the hearing of it, especially from a lady. As an American Soldier, I have heard it and unfortunately used it way too much. I'd say you found the most appropriate place to use it, and it fit the situation. Well done, Young Lady!

[Liz from South Salem]

Dear Kristi,
As a psychoanalyst in practice for more than 30 years, it is very tempting to launch into a diagnosis of David whose email reveals a great deal about him and his issues, clearly projected onto you and your husband. However, I prefer to comment that in following your delightful blog for many years I find no evidence at all to support his remarks. In fact to the contrary, I experience you as self-aware, insightfully reflective, and honest with and about yourself and others. If David is in fact a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, I am embarrassed for the profession. I think your response to him was clear, emphatic and to the point, all the more so because of the language. Good for you, Kristi! I hope you and your family have a wonderful vacation.

[Bruce in Northwest Connecticut]

The post has been up for less than an hour, and already I have to scroll through dozens of replies. Wow!

Anyway, Kristin —

First of all, that word is part of my everyday vocabulary, so don't think twice about it.

Second of all, David (as well as whoever the original commenter was) is incorrect. What comes through most clearly in your columns is the profound love that you and Jean-Marc have for each other. (And your kids, but that's another topic)

Many of your columns are about lessons you've learned. When do we learn lessons? During adversity (among other times). So many of your columns are about adversity, often of the domestic type. But they ALWAYS end with the both of you realizing you were wrong and apologizing to each other.

Yeah, married couples fight. Welcome to the real world. If a couple never fights, there's something wrong with their relationship. One or the other of them doesn't care enough.

Have a great time on vacation!

P.S. You're cute when you swear.

[Rebecca Ward]

Kristen, no "professional" would make this kind of blind judgment on supposition! He has never met either of you or your family! I suspect that "David" is either a "wannabe shrink" or a student with sophomoritis who thinks he knows everything. (And talk about hostile! He needs a mirror!) I suspect he is either very young or has never been married. We who have lived a long, long time and have been and/or are married, know that the dynamic is ever changing and some days are good and some days are bad, and while most DAYS one loves with all the heart, some MOMENTS one can hate with a passion. That passes! What we DON'T do is fail to care. You are obviously a very warm, loving, caring person. "David" can take his pseudopsychology and choke on it.

[Walter Miller]

You ROCK!!!!

[Terri Savage]

Hang in there kiddo. You are fine. And you have done a bang up job providing your readers an absolutely fantastic website that informs and entertains so beautifully and consistently. You dealt with your critic perfectly. Do not give his silly words another glance.

Wishing you and your family a super holiday.

[Virginia]

Perhaps David should be reminded of my favorite quote:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

Bisous,
V

[Carol Josephs]

Kristi,
Who the Hell is David kidding. I think he is projecting his miserable life on you.
You are giving us all a most intimate, sensitive look at your family life. That is the most courageous of writing.
Thank you for everything you share with us. You (and your family) are dear to my heart.
Have a lovely vacation!
xoxoxo
Carol

[Julie Bartholomew]

Love you both! Smokey too. And your wonderful blog. :)

[Julie in St. Remy]

I love your reply...couldn't have said it better. If David finds you so offensive and lacking in self awareness, one wonders why he reads you? Go have fun...it will all work out. You rock!

[Dennis]

Please enjoy your family vacation. I will be waiting to hear all about it when you return. One of the things that make you so special is that you treat your readers like family. It is a pleasure to follow your adventures,feelings and everything else that you wish to share. You are living a full and very interesting life that makes me envious. Forget about whats his name and his psycho babble. Warmest Regards, Dennis - Sebastopol CA

[Vada Hendrickson]

Right on Kristi ! Love ya !
xxxxx to You all & Smokey
Vada

[Alison]

The only possible reply! Have a wonderful holiday x

[Rosemary Simpson in Boston]

Bravo Kristin!!!! Thank you, and your family, so much for being who you are and for sharing your lives and wonderful culture with us all. Trolls like David are just that - characters from under a bridge in the Brothers Grimm.

[Roger Anderson]

Kristin, I'm so sorry that this sick person somehow found it necessary to add to your burden at a difficult and vulnerable time. Certainly he is not a professional therapist because no professional would ever be that unethical. Only a person with their own personal problems would pretend to have such clairvoyance without even meeting and knowing you.

Don't let him or his sick accusations rob you of any of your peace of mind. Lean on your faith in God who understands your private, personal life.

Roger Anderson